we are supermodern we are retroactive we are automatons
we are individuals we are whispers we are all you hear.

Monday, March 23, 2009

I May Be Young...

If there is any one thing I've learned from all the shit I've read, all the shit I've seen, all the shit I've been through, it's this: you only live once. Maybe you read this and are thinking "Great, another piece of shit teenager spitting out worthless nuggets of self-help bullshit," and you might be right in your judgement, and if you think you are you can probably fuck off right now. But if you're going to stick around, I want you to know that some of this might apply to you, and if it does I make no apologies.

You only live once. Don't hold a grudge unless you've got a goddamn good fucking reason. If your best friend sleeps with your guy or your girl, don't be a fucking fool. If they really are your best friend - and I'm not talking this bffl bullshit; I mean your real best friend, the one you'd would take a bullet for and they would you - then one guy or girl you happen to enjoy a regular fucking with is not worth losing them over. And most of the time, you need to tell people what they want to hear. They only live once, just like you, and there's no reason to make their life any worse than it already may be, no matter how many bags of shit you feel like.

Sometimes you need to stop and reevaluate your life. You need to stop and see your fuckups, the little drops of blood on your perfect white life. And you need to change. Always change. Change your life, change your style, change your habits, change your hobbies, change your friends. If you wake up in the morning and look at the girl or guy next to you and want to punch you or her in the face until teeth bite your knuckles and a tongue hits the bedsheets, maybe you need to leave. If you wake up in the morning and look at your surroundings and maybe want to burn it all down around you, leaving your charred remembrances behind as you shut the cindering door, maybe you need to leave. And if you want to rip out the throats of your friends so their irritating voices can't claw the walls of your skull anymore, maybe you need to leave.

I look at my life, and the pissed-off grimace I've taken to showing lately, and I realize this: I need to get out. I need to leave. I need to empty my soul and my room of my shit that is too heavy to carry and get out. I see the blood stains, I feel the weight of my bags of shit, and I need to wash them away and toss them in the garbage. And yeah, this is the third time this has happened, and I don't expect it to be the last. Constant change is a force of nature and my lifeforce.

You only live once, and no one lives very long. Get done what you want to get done. Don't fall into the trap that university or college and a spouse and two kids (one boy, one girl), and polo shirts and a membership to the golf club and owning a house and never really being free is the right thing for you. Maybe it is. But you won't know for sure unless you find out on your own. Think for yourself. See yourself in a dream and end up there alive. Be your shifting self.

And don't forget that you only get one chance. Game over.

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